I was finally out, and now I must start again. I MAKE myself forgive. She and he do not forgive. With a misdemeanor on your background check, it is tougher to find work....but I succeed with tenacity. These are hard economic times, and I am older, but I am skilled, talented and resilient. I work, I am homeless, my brother helps, I travel the world to forget, and work with families. I dream, I have goals, I lose friends, I gain friends, I don't give up, Will my heartache and suffering have an end? I can't help it..I still love her. I am her mother forever...
(Please see above ...'My Story', in process draft..plus two films)
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Wait! I was too happy...this will not last! Twelve years of bliss with my little one. I kept her happy, busy...and was always with her...(unless she was in daycare, school) I was attentive to her every need..only thought of her happiness. No more loneliness for me. But he was still there..being her father of course..but abusing me in ways I finally noticed.
...From grief & suffering to forgiveness & freedom...
We had tried to conceive for 4 years. She was so wished for. I wanted her so much, even though I was not certain about my marriage. I was 40. ..and only had a 4 hour labor! She was soon to be 'the light of my life'....
I missed her so much..it hurt so badly. At 21 she tried to hurt herself over a boyfriend. I was called...then arrested..as she had a No Contact Order in place. What had I done? I am her mom, I love her. I did not understand. It was his perfect revenge. Thrown in Seattle Jail for 9 months..hard time ...at a $6OK bail, and no one to get me out. Lost my daughter, lost my freedom. I am dying inside, but must cope, must survive.
The UnBroken Mother
...A Mother's very private story..
This website was created in order to assist me through my grief over the loss of my daughter, and to share my story. To my knowledge...at no time has an adult explained to my daughter the importance of having a good mother and to respect the many wonderful traits and experiences that mother has given to her in the 17 years she was with me. This was a huge dis-service to her.
My story is one of millions of stories, that are secret and unspoken. There is much shame attached. It is my hope that my experiences will help others, both mothers AND fathers...as well as grandparents. There is healing from this sadness and trauma, but it takes love, support, intelligence and time.
When she was 11, I finally had the courage and smarts to leave him. I felt she could adapt. She had told me that she feared him, and that I must never leave her side. We relocated to near him, but she did not want to be with him. I found work in CA and we left. After a few years we had conflicts. She was in her teens, and refused to finish HS. I graduated her, and told her to attend college and work PT.
I felt I had lost her. She moved back with her dad.
Alienated Parents do to cope with their grief....